Notes
Then Peter came to him and asked, "Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?" "No, not seven times," Jesus replied, "but seventy times seven!" ... In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars. He couldn't pay, so his master ordered that he be sold--along with his wife, his children, and everything he owned--to pay the debt. "But the man fell down before his master and begged him, 'Please, be patient with me, and I will pay it all.'
Matthew 18:21-22, 24-26
Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."
Matthew 11:28-30
Many of us have heard and used the phrase, "forgive, but don't forget." But that phrase isn't something Jesus ever said. What He taught about forgiveness goes deeper: it's about remembering what God has done for us, and choosing to extend that same mercy to others.
"But when the man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who owed him a few thousand dollars. He grabbed him by the throat and demanded instant payment. "His fellow servant fell down before him and begged for a little more time. 'Be patient with me, and I will pay it,' he pleaded. But his creditor wouldn't wait. He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full. "When some of the other servants saw this, they were very upset. They went to the king and told him everything that had happened. Then the king called in the man he had forgiven and said, 'You evil servant! I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me. Shouldn't you have mercy on your fellow servant, just as I had mercy on you?' Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his entire debt. "That's what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart."
Matthew 18:28-35
The king was angry because someone who had received mercy refused to give it. Forgiveness isn't optional for the believer. Jesus was clear in what He taught. We can't claim to understand the gospel if we don't practice forgiveness.
"If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins."
Matthew 6:14-15
The Church today often lacks compassion. Jesus offered rest for the weary, but many of us hold onto grudges or hurt that weigh down our souls. Instead of living out of bitterness, we're called to live from mercy. Even at the Last Supper, Jesus treated every disciple with grace - even the one who would betray Him. That's the model of forgiveness we are to follow. Forgiveness is a process:
1) Acknowledging
We have to start by taking ownership of our own hearts. That means acknowledging where we may be in the wrong, where we've let bitterness grow, or where we've expected others to change while staying the same ourselves. Victims are not victors. If you're going to blame others when you lose, be ready to credit them when you win. We also need to acknowledge the pain and impact of the offense. Forgiveness doesn't excuse or condone the wrong done to us; it's the choice to move forward after sitting with the pain. We may not ever truly forget, but we can choose to forgive every time we remember the hurt, until those memories lose their power.
2) Releasing
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.
Ephesians 4:31-5:1
Let go of the shame, guilt, anger, and revenge. And release yourself, too, because guilt and conviction are not the same. Conviction is from the Spirit to free you. Shame and guilt are from the enemy to chain you. Forgiveness frees both the offender and the offended.
3) Restoring
Restoration is taking something that was broken and returning it to its former glory. Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to go back to what was. It doesn't mean having to stay in an abusive relationship or going back to the same friends who hurt you before. Sometimes, restoration means a factory reset. Other times, it might require setting boundaries. No matter what restoration looks like for a particular offense, forgiveness is the doorway to healing. Whether or not the relationship itself is restored, your soul can be. We are all still works in progress. Jesus does not forgive because of anything we have done. And in the same way, we don't forgive because of anything the other person has done. When we walk in Jesus' race, generations can change and chains can break.
Group Questions
- What are the differences between the world's and Jesus' expectations of forgiveness?
- Which part of the forgiveness process is hardest for you?
- How does acknowledging your own faults and pain prepare your heart to forgive others?
- Is there someone God is prompting you to begin forgiving again today?
Prayer
Thank you for the grace and mercy you have extended us. Help us to offer forgiveness to others just as you have forgiven us. Teach us to acknowledge our pain, release bitterness, and trust you to do the work of restoration.